2020: Something Lost or Something Gained?

I can see them now: the usual “Thank God this year is over” memes that seem to surface at the end of every year. Only this year, I imagine they will express that sentiment on steroids. 2020 has been a year for the books, and a lot of us have been left feeling like much of this year has been lost and that there’s been nothing we could do about it. In fact, stopping to think for a moment about all the lost experiences can be overwhelmingly depressing.

There are regulations that have cost countless people the last days with their loved ones whom they are not allowed to visit in the hospital, have cost countless couples the wedding of their dreams surrounded by their family and friends—if they even were able to get married at all, have cost countless others the opportunity to have closure and to fully celebrate the memory of their departed family member or friend by having a funeral, have cost countless students the opportunity to fully celebrate their success in completing high school or college or graduate school. There is peer pressure or fear that has cost countless grandchildren months-worth of hugs or even face-to-face time with their grandparents and vice versa; restrictions that have kept spouses and families separated, oceans apart from each other; closures and cancellations that have cost countless “lasts” that will be never be regained.

These are not hypothetical examples. I know people in each of these situations, and even just the cases I know about are enough to make me sick to my stomach. In my personal life, too, it is easy to get sucked into the depressing cycle of thinking how many weeks of our marriage we have lost as we enter the fourth month past our original wedding date, still thousands of miles apart with no end of separation in sight. But instead of fixating on what has been lost, I have been challenging myself—and I would like to challenge you too—to focus on what has been gained.

To show you what I mean, I’ll give you a glimpse into a conversation I have with myself almost every day:

               It’s been over three months since I was supposed to be with my husband.

               Yes, but you’ve gotten three extra months of time to build the foundation for your marriage.

 

               It’s been almost four months since I was supposed to be living in my new country.

               Yes, but you’ve gotten almost four extra months to enjoy the parts of your home country that

               you’ll miss.

 

               I’m missing out on family celebrations in my new country.

               Yes, but you’ve gotten to spend extra time with your parents and extended family here.

 

               I haven’t gotten to start setting up my new home.

               Yes, but you’ve gotten to finish a lot of extra things that would have been left hanging if you left                 when you were supposed to.

 

These are just a few examples from my own situation, but I encourage you to examine your year and think about what you have gained in 2020. Absolutely it is important to acknowledge, grieve, and lament for everything that has been lost. The losses have been real and painful, and we should not ignore that fact. But we don’t have to wallow in the losses. Instead, we can search for and celebrate what has been gained.

 

What uplifting conversations have you had with friends in this season? What people have you gotten to reconnect with? What books have you gotten to read? What has God taught you? What have you come to appreciate? What have you gotten to participate in that you wouldn’t have been able to otherwise?

You might have to think hard to find what you have gained, but let me encourage you to put in the effort and start thinking of 2020 in light of the good things it has held.

 

And instead of wishing for this year to be over, let’s be excited that we still have a full third of the year left in which to gain. Because the truth is, this year we have had the exact same amount of time as we always have—24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, and 365/6 days in a year. The question is—how will we view that time? Will we focus on it as time that we should have been spending doing something else, going somewhere else? Or will we focus on it as time that can be fruitful regardless of where we are or who we are with?

 

This is true for everyone, but for followers of Jesus, there is an even deeper way in which we can view 2020 as time gained rather than time lost. We know that God wastes absolutely nothing and that He is always about the business of making us more like Jesus. In God’s eyes, then, we can be confident that 2020 is not a wasted year, which means it is not a wasted year for us. Every loss we experience has the potential to be turned into a gain if it helps us know Jesus better and makes us more like Him (see Philippians 3). Looking at 2020 from this perspective, we see that it just might be one of the best years yet.

 

So let’s embrace the last four months of 2020 with an eye toward finding what there is to gain. And when reach year’s end, let’s look sober-mindedly back on the year and say, “Yes, much was lost, but praise God much more was gained.”

PC: Teresa Cantrell. Used with Permission.

 

Lessons from Literature: The Grace of a Gradual Reveal (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes)

Sometimes when reading a good story, a single sentence will stand out and cause your thoughts to wander to other things. Such was the case recently as I was reading a Sherlock Holmes tale called “The Engineer’s Thumb” by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. In introducing the case, the narrator and Holmes’s friend, Dr. Watson, makes this statement:

The story has, I believe, been told more than once in the newspapers, but, like all such narratives, its effect is much less striking when set forth en bloc in a single half-column of print than when the facts slowly evolve before your own eyes and the mystery clears gradually away as each new discovery furnishes a step which leads on to the complete truth (Doyle, 213).

The resonance of this statement not only provides a good example of how fiction can be just as much a vehicle for truth as nonfiction can be but also leads us to consider how it might reflect an even deeper idea regarding the way in which the greatest Storyteller operates in relation to us. Essentially, Doyle (through Watson) is pointing out that a story’s end makes more of an impression when it is not revealed until—well, the end. Furthermore, he suggests that the details of the story are essential to a full understanding of it as a whole.

We intuitively know this, as is evidenced by our general dislike of spoilers and our (especially women’s, it seems) propensity to want to tell every part of a story instead of just “the bottom line.” We admire storytellers who masterfully lay out more and more pieces of information throughout the telling instead of hitting us with everything at the beginning. Even those stories that start in the present and then flash back to tell the backstory illustrate the importance of the preliminary details to our understanding of the story’s conclusion. Think of the excitement you get from books or films that cause you say, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming!” or “Oh, so that’s what that line meant! I get it now!” This all illustrates that we appreciate storytellers who gradually reveal.

So why don’t we appreciate that about God?

When it comes to the story of our lives, we encounter a myriad of plot twists and a lot of seemingly mundane occurrences. Sometimes we wish we could jump to the end and see how it all turns out. We know that God knows how this curveball or that confusion, these disappointments or those delights, fit into the narrative of our story, but sometimes we wish He would share what our life looks like from His point of view. Sometimes we wish the Storyteller would reveal not gradually but all at once. And now.

But when we think about our lives as a story that’s being written, we begin to see the gradual reveal of events’ relevance as an evidence of the mercifulness and graciousness of God. God is merciful in not preemptively showing us how all the pieces of our story fit together, because frankly we wouldn’t be able to handle it. I can look back on my life now and see that certain sorrows were not nearly as unbearable when they came because of previous sorrows that God had used to grow and strengthen me in different ways. But if I knew at the point of those previous struggles that part of their purpose was to prepare me for other hard things? Let’s just say I would not have appreciated it.

But because of God’s gradual revealing of that purpose, not only am I able to draw strength from it instead of being drained or crushed by it, but also I am able to marvel at God’s magnificent plan and praise Him for His wisdom. And that’s where we see His grace.

We don’t deserve anything from God but judgment, and we certainly don’t deserve answers to our questions regarding the exact reasons for everything that happens in our lives. But God in His kindness chooses to give us glimpses every now and then that we don’t deserve, glimpses of how He is working in our lives through the circumstances and relationships that make up our story. He allows us to see that it was because we went through that trial, that we were then able to face this loss. It was because I met this person that I got involved with this group and then met this person, who changed the entire direction of my life.

In helping us see these things over the course of time, God graciously invites us to look upon the magnificence of His character. He draws us into deeper relationship with Himself as we come to love and appreciate Him more for Who He is—the all-wise, all-knowing, Supreme Storyteller. And one day, when we followers of Christ come before His presence for all eternity, I have a feeling that the conclusion of the story of our time-bound life will be all the sweeter and richer for our having lived through the gradual reveal of details that led our story Home.

PC: Pamela Hollis. Used with Permission.

 

Source: Doyle, Sir Arthur Conan. “The Engineer’s Thumb.” In The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, 213-237. New York: Scholastic, 2003. 

Fighting Modern Slavery: A Conversation with Annie Fain

July 30 was World Day Against Trafficking in Persons, so today on the blog, I’d like to invite you into a conversation about this heavy yet important issue with a dear friend of mine who works on the front lines. Annie Fain is the Partnership Coordinator and A Way Out Program Assistant at A Way Out Ministries in Memphis, Tennessee, an organization whose mission is “to assist any woman desiring to permanently leave sex trafficking.” For more information, see https://www.awoministries.org/.

I first met Annie through church when I was in high school, and despite our age difference, we became friends through several shared experiences and creative projects, the most significant of which involved playing on-screen sisters. Annie’s kind and compassionate heart and love for the Lord and His Word are characteristics of her life, and it’s been a joy to see her grow into a passionate woman of God. I’m thankful to be able to share her insight with you.

Olivia: What is one thing you think people should know about the realities of human trafficking?

 

Annie: I think the most foundational thing people should know is that trafficking is real, it is growing, and it happens near your home. Trafficking is a strategic system of organized crime that’s ultimate goal is to profit from the inhumane treatment of men, women, and children.

 

The methodology of trafficking is built on isolating and exploiting the most vulnerable people. Many different types of vulnerabilities often intersect in an individual’s life and prime them to be manipulated or coerced by a trafficker. The most common narrative is one of individuals being first trafficked at the hands of someone they know, not abducted by a stranger. Some of the vulnerabilities traffickers look for include: generational poverty, habitual childhood abuse, habitual sexual abuse, time in foster care, racial and social oppression, homelessness, being a single parent, mental illness, lack of education, lack of workforce opportunities, and generally the presence of any outstanding socioeconomic disparities.

Vulnerability answers the question of “How did this person fall prey to exploitation?” and if this is true, then for concerned citizens that means that addressing and diminishing any of these factors in an individual’s life can help prevent them from falling into cycles of exploitation.

 

But that still leaves us with the question “Why is trafficking so prevalent and increasing?” The only answer is demand. Labor trafficking is thriving because there is a demand for products instantaneously, and sex trafficking is thriving because there are sex buyers who purchase (predominantly) women and girls. The most important issue that needs to be addressed on the local, state, and federal levels regarding policy reform on human trafficking is combatting the demand.

 

Olivia: How did you get involved in anti-trafficking work?

 

Annie: I got involved due to an answered prayer. I first heard of the issue of trafficking while still in high school through Passion Conference’s awareness initiative called End It Movement. Even then the issue stirred my heart and burdened me, but I left unsure of anything tangible I could do to fight it. I went on with life and worked in other industries for a few years, ultimately knowing that I wasn’t where I wanted to be long term. I had prayed years prior that the Lord would give me a cause to champion that mattered to Him, and I resumed that prayer, adding that God would allow me to work somewhere that I could talk about Him openly and the work of my hands would matter into eternity. It was shortly after that I met a girl at a Christmas party who told me that she did anti-trafficking work, and I told her I wanted to volunteer. Two weeks later she said she was stepping down from her position, and I told her I wanted it. I interviewed, and God gave me the job – with no certifications, job experience, or educational training for this field. That’s when you know it’s God.

 

Olivia: Trafficking is a heavy reality. What keeps you going in your ministry?

 

Annie: Someone once told me to find where my greatest passion and greatest burden collide, and to champion that issue. For me, that cause is trafficking, and more specifically sex trafficking.

The greatest thing I can do to continue in ministry to victims of sex trafficking is to remove myself from the role of rescuer. I think a great deal of well-meaning people get involved with this work because they are intoxicated on the idea of getting to rescue people. It is beautiful to want to set people free, but we have entirely misconstrued our role if we view success as how many women we have ripped out of a pimp’s arms. Often, our role as advocates is simply to love survivors with no agenda. For women exiting commercial sexual exploitation, it takes an average of 7 attempts for her to finally, permanently be ready to reintegrate into society.

 

I think for anyone endeavoring to do this work, it takes an impassioned understanding of the justice heart of God. I have seen justice sought against traffickers where the trafficker walked free. Knowing that God will administer perfect justice on behalf of survivors is liberating.  

 

I have to keep in mind who my enemy is—it would be easy, especially when we are talking about demand, sex buyers, traffickers, rapists, and madams, to point a finger and cite them as the source of evil. But at the end of the day, while we want stricter punishment for evil acts and want true justice for victims, the sex buyer, trafficker, and brothel owner are not our enemy. They are acting out of a brokenness and depravity that Jesus wants to restore them from too. It is a humbling and beautiful thing to realize that the compassion of God reaches also to the sex buyer, and ultimately Satan is the one true enemy.

 

Olivia: What are some ways that others can get involved in combatting modern-day slavery?

 

Annie:

1.      Become Informed: Read, listen to podcasts, seek education on policy and reform, and most importantly give ear to survivor’s testimonies. I’ve seen many, many advocates or citizens say, “I am a voice for those who are voiceless,” which in its intention is good, but it is not necessarily true. While many who are currently in cycles of exploitation are not afforded a voice, survivors who have been rescued and are far removed from trafficking are speaking up. They have strong opinions on policy and on restoration; they voice their needs, their struggle, and their trauma—they aren’t voiceless. We would do well to offer them our ear.

2.      Sign, sign, sign:

·        There is a petition to shut down PornHub, one of the largest pornography websites in the world, due to their complicity in trafficking, rape, and incest along with a plethora of other evils and human rights violations. Sign the petition to shut PornHub down at traffickinghub.com.

·        There is a dedicated organization based in South Africa that has created a charter to support Abolitionist Equality Law in Africa through the Coalition for the Abolition of Prostitution in Africa (CAPA), and you can sign the charter at embracedignity.org.za. Go to the Get Involved dropdown menu and click Sign the CAPA Charter.

·        To learn more about the Equality Model (also called the Nordic Model or Abolition Model) and sign the pledge to say you understand and support this model, go to equalitymodelus.org.

3.      Be the one. I have heard from NGO leaders, survivors, and counselors alike that oftentimes in an individual’s journey of recovery, it only takes having one person who believes in them wholeheartedly and unconditionally for them to make it. You can be that person across the table, on the other end of the phone, or in the driver’s seat on the way to their first job interview. Just be present in their life. They don’t need you to fix them or view them as a project; they need to you be present, to listen, and to believe them. Throw them a celebration when they get their HiSet (GED), help them apply to college, babysit their child one night, or pick them up for church. Be there for them and decide you aren’t going to leave, even if they sometimes have a little bit of the street left in them.

4.      Take a strong stance on the link between pornography and sex trafficking and seek or offer mentorship to those who may be struggling with this issue in an attitude that is devoid of shame and that cultivates healing.

5.      Pray this way:

·   For darkness to be exposed

·   For women, men, and children to be rescued & restored

·   For righteous justice to be executed

·   For more workers in the field

·   That the sex industry will NOT be legalized or decriminalized in the United States

·   For men who exploit women in prostitution to STOP and to find holistic physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional healing from sexual addiction

6.      Donate money, time, and in-kind donations (clothing, hygiene supplies, computers, furniture) to a safe house/recovery center near you.

 

Pro Tip: Not all organizations that claim to fight trafficking adhere to the belief that DEMAND is the root cause for trafficking, in fact some deny it. These organizations are highly visible and claim to make an impact in the war on trafficking, but without addressing demand, cycles of exploitation will never stop. Research the organizations where you donate money, time, and resources and find out their stance on DEMAND.

 

Olivia: What are some resources you would recommend for those who want to learn more?

 

Annie:

Books

Vulnerable by Raleigh Sadler
Intervention Manual by Exodus Cry
In Pursuit of Love by Rebecca Bender*
The White Umbrella by Mary Francis Bowley
Fallen by Annie Lobert*
Girls Like Us by Rachel Lloyd*
Free Cyntoia by Cyntoia Brown*

 

*survivor written

Documentaries

Nefarious: Merchant of Souls by Exodus Cry (full screening available on YouTube)
Liberated: The New Sexual Revolution by Exodus Cry (available on Netflix & YouTube)

For any who may be battling pornography and sexual addiction(s)

If you, the reader, have dealt with sexual addiction in any form, including but not limited to: consumption of pornography, attending and doing business at strip clubs/massage parlors, or engaging with women or children in prostitution, none of what is written today is to shame or blame you. The sole purpose is to inform you that you have encountered and furthered exploitation, and the practices of violating and consuming another person for your own gain was not only degrading to the victim, but to you as well, and there is healing for you too. I would encourage you to seek counsel, mentorship, and accountability from individuals the same gender as you who are currently in places of health and success in their walk towards pure and righteous sexuality.

Recovery resources for anyone battling sexual addition

·   Authentic Relationships International—articles, podcast, speaking events, and navigation tools for dealing with pornography addiction within relationships

·   Pure Life Ministries—sermons, podcasts, counseling, partner counseling, events, books

·   Covenant Eyes—Screen filters, support for couples, family protection, etc. 

·   Fight the New Drug—Fighter club, documentaries, etc.

·   Culture Reframed—Parenting in a hypersexualized culture

·   LizWalkerPresents.com and her Youth Wellbeing Project—Conversation tips for addressing this with youth, children’s books, and school curricula

 

Whether you are just beginning to learn about exploitation and human trafficking or whether you’ve been involved in the struggle for some time, I pray this conversation has challenged you to take a stand and encouraged you to keep up the good fight. God is a God of justice, redemption, healing, grace, and unfailing love. Whether you find yourself an advocate, a survivor, an enabler, or a perpetrator, God can meet you at your point of need and see you through.

Always Ready

We’re going on a month now since my fiancé and I were supposed to get married and over a month since I was going to move overseas. My bags have been (mostly) packed since the beginning of June, and we still don’t know when I’ll be able to move—or get married. In some ways, you would think that a person like me, who loves time to prepare for things, would be relieved at the extra time to make preparations for two such life-altering occurrences, but while it is true that I have been able to do a lot more things to get ready than I initially was going to be able to, I’ve found myself much more angsty from this prolonged “preparation” time largely because it has required me to live in a state of being always ready.

My favorite clothes and other necessities have been in suitcases for weeks. Sometimes I’ve needed to dig something out to use, but then must remember to pack it back in the right suitcase so the carefully measured weight stays the same. I could have waited to pack, had I known how long our plans would be delayed, but the constant unknown of when I’ll be able to travel directs me to be as prepared as I can be to leave at a moment’s notice. These weeks have shown me that being always ready for something you know is coming but know not when is frustrating, wearying, and just plain exhausting.

But as I’ve been thinking about this state of always being ready, the Lord has reminded (and convicted) me that this state is exactly the one He has called me to be in as I wait for His return. This tension that I have been annoyed at of living in some sort of in-between world mirrors the tension I am to embrace spiritually as I live in the already-but-not-yet reality of God’s kingdom.

Before His crucifixion, when Jesus is talking to His disciples about His second coming, He tells them, “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. […] Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect” (Matthew 24:36, 44, ESV). He goes on to tell parables about people who were living their lives unprepared—wedding guests unprepared for the arrival of the groom and servants unprepared for their master’s return—and says, “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour” (Matthew 25:13, ESV).

In Mark’s accounting, Jesus commands, “Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come. It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his servants in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to stay awake. Therefore stay awake—for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or in the morning—lest he come suddenly and find you asleep. And what I say to you I say to all: Stay awake” (Mark 13:33-37). And in Luke, Jesus says, “Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning, and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to him at once when he comes and knocks” (Luke 12:35-36, ESV).

All of these passages impress upon the reader a strong sense of active waiting, of constant readiness and relentless alertness. Notice the phrases, “be ready,” “watch,” “be on guard,” “keep awake,” “stay awake,” “stay awake,” “stay awake,” “stay dressed for action,” “keep your lamps burning.” These things all require effort, stamina, and intentional action. Just keeping a lamp burning would require making a plan to have enough oil, including working so that resources would be available to purchase the oil, keeping the lamp clean, and watching the lamp 24/7 to make sure the oil did not run out. Staying awake also takes effort, especially when you are tired and it seems like you’ve been waiting forever already. Yet these things are pictures of what we are called to do as followers of Jesus.

Through this temporal waiting period of anticipating my move and marriage, the Lord has given me a glimpse into how I am to live as His Bride. I now have a point of reference for what it looks like to live every day being ready to go. I understand in a more experiential way what it means to live in one place while keeping my ties to it loose, so that I am ready to leave the moment the doors open.

I live in my house in the United States, but in another place I have another house waiting on me—a house that I direct time and attention and affection toward building up with my future husband. In the same way, on a spiritual level, I live in my home on Earth, but in another Place I have another home waiting on me—a home that I should be directing time and attention and affection toward building up with my forever Husband. I am not to completely detach from my current home—I still live here; it is the place where God has put me to invest in for this time. But neither am I to neglect my other home or sit by and snooze because its coming seems so far away.

Exactly how this plays out practically when it comes to our forever home, I am still learning, just as God is still teaching me how to practically (and placidly) live in this active-waiting stage of prolonged engagement. But I think it’s safe to say that, since God desires us to live each day in this state of readiness for His return, His Spirit will provide the strength and guidance we need to do so.

He is coming. We don’t know when, but we know He is. So let’s not wait until the last moment to ready ourselves for His return. In His strength, with His peace and perseverance and wisdom, let’s be always ready for that day and the eternity to come. And, oh, what a glorious day that will be.

I would love to hear from those of you who have studied God’s Word—what do you think it looks like on a day-to-day basis to live always ready for Christ’s return?

To read the Arabic translation of this post, click here.

لقراءة الترجمة العربية لهذا المنشور إضغط هنا.

PC: Christina Hildreth. Used with permission.

Why Trace Time?

In 2020 America, we are suffering from a great lack of historical knowledge. Perhaps you’ve seen the videos of journalists stopping people on the street to ask them questions about the history of the country in which they were born and raised. They find people who think the Civil War was fought in the 1950s, who can’t recognize or even name the first president, who think that Abraham Lincoln was a Democrat, who don’t know how many states there are, the list goes on and on…

Some might think that’s no big deal, that there’s no point in knowing useless facts like names and dates, and that names and dates is all history is about anyway. But an ignorance regarding names and dates is a sign of a greater ignorance. Admittedly, it’s not that important to know the exact date of a given historical event, but if someone can’t even assign the Declaration of Independence or World War II to the right century, then they have no understanding of the larger trajectory of the past that has led us to where we are today. And when it comes to names, we must remember that names are not just names; they are attached to people—people who lived as surely as you and I are living, who influenced the world around them, and whose legacy is still affecting today, whether we see it or not. 

History is not just names and dates. Studying history is essentially studying the story of humanity—what people have done, where they have gone, how they have lived and interacted with one another. It is the means by which we are able to make sense of our current context. A person with no knowledge of history is akin to an alien dropping into our world with absolutely no idea of how things work or how things got to be the way they are. If you’ve ever been to a different country (or in some cases to a different part of the United States), you might have noticed how different customs are based on the historical backgrounds of those places. Without an understanding of the historical background, the customs might seem odd, but with such an understanding, they become clearer.

We understand this on an individual level. We can look back at our own personal histories and see how our past has led to our present, how former experiences have shaped current perspectives, emotions, and actions. If you woke up tomorrow with complete amnesia, you’d struggle to know how to move forward because you would have no context for your life. In extrapolating that idea to a family or society, we can see how a knowledge of collective past experiences provides a grounding from which to approach current realities and step into the future. As we begin to understand the why behind certain customs or situations, we find ourselves becoming more empathetic because our perspective is an informed one. We are closer to knowing the whole story.

And that’s why having a knowledge of history is important and why the current historical ignorance is concerning. Some say the problem is that history is not being taught at all in schools any longer. Perhaps this is true in some cases. In other cases, what is called “history” is actually politicized, agenda-driven indoctrination. The powers-that-be decide what version of the story should be told, and that is the only picture the students receive unless they take the initiative to ask questions and find the answers themselves. In either case, we end up with a woefully ill-equipped citizenry. In the first case, we are left with sheer ignorance; in the latter, we are left with citizens who are only given half of the foundation they need to move forward (if that).    

One of the best antidotes to this lack of education, I believe, is to go to the source. In other words, if you want to know about George Washington or Booker T. Washington, read their own writings. If you want to know about a battle, read the official military accounts as well as diaries of soldiers who fought in it. And when reading what we call “secondary sources,” i.e. sources that are not written by eyewitnesses of an event, be mindful of any biases that the authors might have and see whether they cite their sources, and if so, what sources they cite.

Before we can even get to this point, though, there has to be an interest, a motivation to learn, an understanding that history is important and that—more than that—it’s often fun! And that’s one of the reasons I’ve begun the page Time Tracing: How to Engage with History on Facebook and Instagram. If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you might have picked up on the fact that I love history—like a lot—and have for as long as I can remember. This love of history turned into a more formal pursuit as I majored in history in college and decided to pursue work in the archival field. And it was in these settings that I gained an even greater appreciation of the importance of knowing about the past.

Now that I’m no longer working outside the home, I’ve decided to take my passion for history and my educational and professional training and turn it into something that will hopefully help inspire and equip others to learn more about their family’s and country’s history and motivate those in their circles of influence to do the same. There’s just something about learning about how people lived in different times and places from our own that inspires the imagination and stirs the intellect, especially when we can trace their time directly to our own.

If you’d like to learn more about history and genealogy, including how to learn more on your own, I invite you to like/follow Time Tracing on Facebook and Instagram: @time.tracing. I look forward to continuing to learn alongside you all!

PC: Keri-Lynn Paulson. Used with permission.

Apologies: When They Are Warranted and When They Aren’t

We are hearing a lot about apologies these days—calls for them, balks at them, praises and rejections of them. And that’s had me thinking a lot about apologies. As we looked at last time, it’s important to distinguish what we mean by the words we use, so before we get into the meat of this post, it will be helpful to define “apology.”

It seems to be a common belief that to apologize for something means merely saying, “I’m sorry.” A quick internet search will show the definition as being to “express regret for something that one has done wrong.” But as I learned from my parents growing up, a true apology is much more than saying “I’m sorry” or feeling bad for doing something wrong. To apologize, I was taught to say, “I did [this thing], and it was wrong because of [this reason]. I am sorry I did [that]. Will you please forgive me?” In other words, a full apology involves stating what you did that was wrong, showing that you understand why it was wrong, rejecting that wrong behavior, and asking for forgiveness.

Notice that inherent in this conception of an apology is the fact that the person apologizing has personally committed the offense. On a practical level, then, it is actually impossible to apologize for something someone else has done. We can express sadness over the actions of someone else and sympathy with those who were acted against; we can even work to combat the negative effects of someone else’s actions and to prevent such actions from happening again, but we are not able to literally apologize.

With this understanding of what constitutes an apology, we can move forward in looking at whether an apology is warranted in certain situations. The headliner in our current days is calls for people with light skin color to apologize to people of dark skin color because light-skinned ancestors enslaved dark-skinned ancestors in the United States. Based on the definition of an apology that hinges on personal responsibility for one’s own actions, we can see immediately that it is impossible for 21^st-century Americans of Anglo-European descent to apologize for things that their ancestors did to the ancestors of people of African descent. The ancestors are the only ones who can apologize for their actions, and they are dead.

This is (one reason) why I do not ask the people of Salisbury, North Carolina, to apologize for the imprisonment and mistreatment of my Union soldier great-great-great-grandfather Vasa in the Confederate prison camp that existed in their town. This is why I do not demand (or even ask or wish for) an apology from my Japanese friends for Pearl Harbor, nor do they demand one of me for Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This is why I do not need an apology from my British friends for their 17^th-century countrymen’s fighting against my ancestor Edward in the War for Independence, nor do they ask for one from me for the defeat their county suffered at the hands of mine.

“But slavery is different,” some might argue, “The effects of slavery are still being felt today.” I would not disagree that slavery’s nasty effects are still lurking among us, but I would also suggest that so are the effects of every other situation just mentioned. Families were forever changed by these events that altered the paths their descendants would take and have affected each of our lives today in ways some of which we can see and some of which we are unaware. So if 21^st-century individuals should (and were able to) apologize for slavery of Africans in the United States, there are a host of other groups that should be apologizing to a host of other people as well.

For the sake of discussion, though, let’s say for a moment that these apologies were possible. If apologies by descendants of offenders are warranted to descendants of the offended (and by offended I mean those who had a wrong act committed against them, not those whose feelings are bruised), it is still logically unworkable for this to take place. First, to know who should apologize and to whom, it would require every person to trace their entire ancestral tree to find every possible person who was an offender/offended. As someone who studies and practices genealogy, I can tell you this is possible in some cases but is extremely difficult and time consuming even in those cases where it is possible.  

The next problem arises when it is discovered (as is the case in many situations) that a single person is the descendant of both an offender and an offended. Taking slavery in the United States as an example, one person may be descended from both an enslaved person and an enslaver, either in the most well-known cases of white men impregnating black women they had enslaved or in lesser-well-known cases of black men enslaving other black men. Or one person may be a descendant of both an offender and an anti-offender, such as those who are descended from both an enslaver and an abolitionist. Using the Civil War as an example, there are countless dual-descendants like me who had ancestors on both sides of that bloody conflict. There are also many, like me, who have both Native American ancestors and colonizing ancestors.

Not only does this reality of mixed heritage—which is much more common than people seem to like to admit—make it difficult to identify who should apologize to whom, it reveals that pitting ancestral sides against each other literally pits individuals against themselves. We can see, then, that apologies from 21^st-century individuals to other 21^st-century individuals for actions in which they had no part are literally impossible, and even if possible, are unrealistic.

But—it does not then follow that 21^st-century individuals have nothing to apologize for.

Each of us alive today should be careful that we do not take the unreasonableness of unwarranted apologies and use it as an excuse to avoid examining our own hearts, minds, and behavior for wrong attitudes, thoughts, and actions. Just because we have not enslaved our fellow humans does not mean that we are automatically guiltless toward them, and we would do well to spend time before the Lord in humility, asking Him to shine His spotlight in our hearts and reveal to us anything we need to apologize for and repent of (i.e. forsake and turn the other way from).

For example, we need to ask ourselves: Do I think less of people because of the color of their skin? Do I think less of people because of the way they talk? Do I think less of people because of their level of education? Do I think less of people because of their beliefs? And do I treat them differently as a result? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then repentance is in order.

Or to get a little more specific . . . As a person with light skin, do I assume when I hear about a certain crime that it was committed by a person with dark skin? Do I assume dark-skinned people all have the same political views? When I see negative behavior, do I think, “Well, of course they did that—they’re black”?  Do I think that dark skin is an indicator of a low work ethic? Do I think that dark-skinned people don’t value family? Do I think that a dark-skinned person must hate me because they’re “black” and I’m “white”? Do I think that people who live in poor communities, regardless of their skin color, are necessarily lazy and less intelligent? Do I think that people who have more wealth than I do, regardless of their skin color, are necessarily stodgy, conceited, out-of-touch, or corrupt?    

As I have been examining my own life, the Lord has shown me how often my first reaction to someone I do not know is to put them in a stereotyped box and then be pleasantly surprised if they show themselves to be different from those negative stereotypes, or similarly, to have low expectations of a person I do not know because of the color of their skin, the way they dress, or because of their socioeconomic status (either lower or higher than mine). This is wrong because it assumes the negative about a person and does not look for their individuality; it evaluates someone based on (often incorrect) generalizations rather than on a person’s unique merits; it defeats a person before they even have a chance to prove themselves; it places more value on a surface-level feature of a person than it does on their character and heart.

I have asked the Lord to forgive me for ever having this view of His image-bearing created beings and have begun to check myself as soon as negative assumptions pop into my head. In His grace, the Lord is helping me change, and I pray that we are all willing to admit where we are wrong, to see the ugliness inside of us (because we all have it), to truly apologize, and to submit to the Lord’s redeeming work in our lives.

For those of us who are followers of Jesus, let’s not let preoccupation with apologies we shouldn’t or can’t give blind us to the apologies we should and can. Let’s not try to avoid the refining work of the Holy Spirit in our lives as He sifts out the dross and makes us more pure that we may better bring Him glory and be more winsome in pointing others to the goodness of His forgiveness and grace. Regardless of the color of our skin, we all have this one thing in common. To paraphrase John Newton, former slave trader and author of the hymn “Amazing Grace,” we are great sinners, against God and against each other, but—praise God—in Christ we have a great Savior who redeems and restores us and makes us one. 

PC: Pam Galagan. Used with permission.

Words: How They Matter and How They Don’t

These past couple of weeks have brought a weight with them—a weight that many have already been feeling and that many are just beginning to feel for the first time. We have seen a man murdered by those who were sworn to protect their communities; we have seen other men murdered by opportunists who have taken advantage of communities at this time of deep pain. The brokenness of our world is apparent for all to see.

There are so many angles to the current issues that have been brought once again to the forefront in recent days that it is difficult to know where to begin. But in order for positive change to occur, begin we must. It is possible that I will write more posts on different aspects of the situation our country finds itself in, but to lay the foundation for any further topics, it seems that one theme must be addressed first that has arisen across the entire spectrum of responses to the injustices we have all witnessed.

In our world of social media where everyone has a platform from which to speak to hundreds, thousands, or even millions, it becomes dizzying to navigate the messages that are being sent. I have seen people be shamed for posting and others be shamed for not posting. I have seen criticisms of people’s silence yet also criticisms of the words people use when they choose not to be silent. I’ve seen people be applauded for asking how they can help and people criticized for asking rather than trying to figure it out on their own. In short, I have seen an obsession with words and a disregard for human beings. And this has been coming from all “sides” of the issues.

We know that words are powerful. Scripture contains numerous references to the importance of words and their capacity to do both good and harm. As just a couple of examples, we see in Proverbs 15:1 that “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (ESV).  And James, speaking of the tongue, writes, “It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:8b-10, ESV). Words matter. They have the power to build up or to tear down. And choice of words matters. But are the words themselves all that should be considered?

I’d like to suggest that they are not, for one simple reason: two people can use the same words and mean very different things. To use a silly example, let’s say you were planning two trips, one to Vermont and one to Florida. Your friends in each place tell you to pack appropriately because “It’s been cold here lately.” If you’d never been to either place before and were basing your choice of clothes only on your friends’ words, you might pack similarly for both trips, not realizing that “cold” to a Vermonter is well below freezing, while “cold” to a Floridian is around 50 degrees Fahrenheit. To better understand how you should act in response to their statements, you might ask, “What do you consider cold?” or “What exactly is the temperature?”

As we apply this same idea to other situations, we find that we must look beyond the words a person says to the person speaking them and seek to understand the perspective and intent behind the words, looking at each speaker within the unique context that he or she is speaking from rather than lumping that speaker into a homogenous group with everyone else who uses the same words.

Perhaps the greatest example of this in our recent weeks is the argument between use of the phrases “Black lives matter” and “all lives matter.” I have seen people—and sadly even Christian people—criticize, even excoriate, others for using each of these phrases, and wrapped up in each criticism is an assumption about the other person’s intended meaning in using these specific words. For example, some look at anyone who says that “Black lives matter” as a full-on supporter of the BLM organization and all of its leftist (to be distinguished from liberal) political agendas. On the flip side, some look at anyone who says that “all lives matter” as an insensitive white supremacist who refuses to see the injustices that have been committed against people with dark skin much less feel badly about them.

What such a generalizing response to these words does is shut down conversation before it even begins. It lumps people into labels and inhibits asking questions because the answers are already assumed. This is not a problem if we think we have nothing to learn (which is a dangerous place to be, by the way). But it is a huge problem if we truly want to relate to others, to grow in knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. For followers of Jesus it is an even bigger problem, since we are called to become more like Him, which includes growing in humility and in the fruit of His Spirit.

So while words are important, they are not all-important. Studying communication in college, I learned that breakdowns in communication occur when what is sent is received differently than how it is meant. Successful communicators on the sending end are able to explain what they mean by the words they say to better ensure that they are understood correctly by the hearer. The message is the meaning, while the words are the vehicles used to transport the meaning to the receiver. What is important, then, for successful communication as a hearer, is to root out the meaning (i.e. intended definition) of the words being sent.

There is a counter argument circulating, however, against the idea that intended meaning of words is more relevant than how they are received. I have seen some assert that intent is irrelevant and impact (i.e. perception) is what matters. In other words, it doesn’t matter if someone means well in what they say; if the person hearing it feels badly as a result of what was said, then what was said is morally wrong. Or, to give an example, it doesn’t matter if the sender does not harbor hate or prejudice in his heart; if the receiver feels hated or discriminated against, it was wrong for the sender to say what he said.

In many ways this viewpoint is a reflection of the postmodern worldview that is so prevalent in our culture, the view that sees meaning as relative and something which is determined by the reader/receiver rather than by the author/sender. In this view, reality for receivers is determined solely by their subjective feelings rather than by a more objective understanding of the original message. Rather than responding to what was actually meant, then, the receivers respond to what they assume was meant. And this constitutes a textbook breakdown of communication.

Certainly as senders, we have the responsibility to choose our words wisely, i.e. to choose the vehicle that will best express our actual intent, and to be mindful of how our words will affect others. But sometimes senders don’t have access to the full range of vehicles that exist. Sometimes they are unaware that the vehicle they have chosen won’t get them where they want to go. So as hearers, we must show grace. We must give the benefit of the doubt. We must assume positive intent and become partners with the sender rather than adversaries as we work to communicate clearly for the betterment of both parties.

If we truly want to make a difference, if we truly want to be agents of positive change, if we truly want to build relationships, if we truly want to learn, then we must practice active listening, i.e. we must not assume we are receiving the accurate message and must ask for context and clarification. When someone says something that makes us feel offended or skeptical or hurt, instead of assuming negative intent, we should try responding with, “When you said such-and-such, this is what it sounded/felt like you meant:______.  Is that really what you meant?” And if we don’t have the opportunity to start that conversation, rather than assuming negative intent, let’s try assuming positive intent.

As with all of my posts, this one also serves as a reminder to myself; I am not exempt from my own critiques and challenges. Several years ago the Lord used a sister in Christ to teach me the importance of assuming the best of others, particularly when it comes to what they say and do (or don’t say and don’t do) and it is something I have been intentionally mindful of ever since, although it is a lesson I am still learning. Here is what I have found so far:

When we assume negative intent, we become offended and hurt; we think lowlier of the offender; we take the first step toward bitterness; we harm ourselves by nurturing negative feelings; we do not glorify Christ. When we assume positive intent, we turn the magnifying glass on ourselves; we discover why we react to certain things in certain ways and discover areas of our own lives that need to be brought under submission to God; we take the first step toward showing grace to others; we benefit ourselves through release of negative feelings; we glorify Christ.

I’ll close with a quotation I first heard in a family psychology class I took in college. It has stuck with me ever since I heard it, and it has served as an excellent guide as I interact with others. “Seek to understand, before you seek to be understood.” If we take the focus off of ourselves and our feelings and instead seek to serve others by striving to understand where they are coming from, I daresay we will find we have a lot more in common with each other than perhaps we originally thought. And maybe, just maybe, we can take steps toward each other and then move forward together rather than speaking past each other and moving nowhere.

PC: Pamela Hollis. Used with permission.