Grieving Well: A Conversation with Tish Crook

I met Tish Crook several years ago through church, and for the past few years we have served together in our church’s Resource Center where she now serves as the inaugural Resource Center Director for the Mallard Creek Campus. Although trained as an electrical engineer, Tish recently changed careers from working in the telecommunications industry to becoming a Funeral Director alongside her sister in their family business, Harrisburg Funeral & Cremation. Tish’s family ministered to my own as we mourned the loss of my grandfather four years ago, and her caring heart continues to be an encouragement to many.

Tish has a passion for helping others to grieve well, and in today’s post she shares her heart on this issue. Last year brought a lot of loss—in a variety of forms—to many, and while we are ready to close the chapter of 2020, it’s important that we not close up our grief with it and instead move forward through grief to reach healing. Today I invite you to join Tish and me as we discuss the importance of the process of grief.    

Olivia: Why is grieving important? What is the harm in avoiding the process of grief?

Tish: Grieving is important because it helps your body process physically, mentally, and spiritually the emotional pain of a loss or death. Avoiding the grief process can have impacts on your physical, mental, and spiritual health. The impacts of avoiding grief affect people differently. Some people withdraw emotions, which negatively impacts current relationships or hinders connecting in new relationships. Some people develop anxiety or fear of others they love passing away. Others start to question their faith in God, especially if the loss is unexpected, violent, or unexplained. 

I have personally avoided the grieving process. When my grandmother passed away in 2014, I took on a role of caring for others in my family, making sure my parents had food, and scheduling every moment of the day until the pain of losing my grandmother had been numbed and buried in my list of to-dos. Unfortunately, through the years that followed, I would get massive bouts of anxiety at the slightest medical issue with another family member. I would drop everything to take care of them, at times exhibiting self-sacrificing behaviors trying to make sure I thought of every possible way to help them or the situation. It left me physically exhausted, more anxious and stressed, and realizing I had a trust issue with God.  So in 2019, five years after losing my grandmother, I went through the grieving process to heal and restore my physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Olivia: Should grieving look the same for everyone?

Tish: Grieving is different from person to person. It has to do with how they grew up, their cultural practices, and their willingness to go through the process. Grief requires you to go through emotions that are painful and uncomfortable. 

Olivia: How does being a Christian inform the way you serve grieving families?

Tish: As Christians, we are called to serve others. Just like Jesus, we serve sinners, saints, and everyone in between. All the families we serve know we are Christian. We state it on our website, and scripture is on the walls at our funeral home. Our goal is to be the light of Jesus Christ no matter what the beliefs are of the families. We give the same compassion and care to each family and let them know before they leave that we are praying for them. With Christian families, we can openly pray, repeat God’s truths, and point them to Jesus as their strength and peace during the grieving process. For non-Christian families, we make sure we let the Holy Spirit guide our words and actions. Again, we want to be the light of Christ, and that can only be seen when we are letting the Holy Spirit guide us.

Olivia: What are some resources you would suggest for those wanting to grieve well?

Tish: First I would suggest reaching out to your pastor. They may be able to guide you to church resources. Some churches have bereavement and counseling ministries that can help.

Second, I would suggest chatting with a trusted friend or family member. Sometimes, talking through your feelings with someone that you feel safe being vulnerable with is enough to help someone move forward.

I went through a program called GriefShare (www.griefshare.org). It helped me tremendously. It had people that shared their grief experience. It was great to hear people articulate the feelings that I was going through but didn’t have the words to label them.

Lastly, I would suggest seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist if you feel stuck or are really struggling to process the loss. A couple of books that I would recommend are Grieving with Hope: Finding Comfort as You Journey through Loss by Kathy Leonard and Sam Hodges and What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts) by Nancy Guthrie.

I pray this conversation has encouraged you to work through whatever grief you are facing this year, to know you are not alone, to reach out to those around you for support, and to persevere to a place of healing. If you live in the Charlotte, North Carolina, area and need the services that Tish and her family provide through their business/ministry, I would highly recommend contacting them. You can find out more at their website: www.harrisburgfc.com 

Praying for America: Is It Worth It? (2021 Edition)

This past week I have been intentionally limiting my consumption of news and social media to spend time with my fiancé during the last week of his visit before we are once again separated by thousands of miles, so I do not find myself able to offer informed commentary on the events occurring in the nation’s capital city. However, I have seen enough to know that America is still in turmoil and that the foundations of state and federal constitutional governments and the rule of law are under assault.

So instead of offering political commentary or even moral commentary on current events, I’m going to share this post, originally written in 2016, as an encouragement to all of us to double down in prayer for our nation during this time when it can seem like it’s easier to throw up our hands and say, “Well, this is the beginning of the end.” It may be, or it may be the end of the beginning. And either way, our responsibility is still the same. Will you join me in prayer during these uncertain days?

I’m guessing the title of this post might have raised a few eyebrows, especially from the most patriotic among us. How could you even ask that question?! some might be thinking. Of course it’s worth it!

Yes, I agree that it is. But sometimes it’s really, really hard. 

Perhaps I should start at the beginning…

There are those that hold to the idea that America was a “Christian nation” at the time of its founding and has since slipped away to the point of its no longer being one. (In case you were wondering, I am not one of those people, but that’s a topic for another post…) Those who profess this view are usually the most outspoken about praying for America, with the goal of returning the country to its [supposed] former Christian glory. Citing 2 Chronicles 7:14, they often seem to promote prayer as a bargaining chip with which they can secure God’s favor and healing for the nation.

This type of talk has always left me with an unsettled feeling (and not just because of the questionable application of the 2 Chronicles verse), for it tends to present the assumption that if only we would increase our morality we would deserve God’s blessings and He would necessarily pour them out on us. Of course, to be fair, the element of genuine repentance is not always absent from such calls to prayer, but even it is often portrayed as a means to the end of God’s favor.

After some time of observing this perspective exhibited, I began to think about the justice of God. Knowing that America is not God’s chosen nation (again, a topic for another post), I began to feel it rather arrogant of any Americans to assume that we were due any special consideration from God at all. When you look at all the ways America has spat in the face of God and has lived directly counter to His Law, not just in the past few decades but over the whole course of our history as a nation—and even through our colonial history, it becomes a wonder that God has been as merciful and gracious to us as He has.

Also knowing that there is no Scriptural guarantee that America will continue to exist for any particular length of time and that there is a Scriptural guarantee that things will only continue to get more wicked and lawless as time goes on, it should not be alarming or surprising to us that immorality is as rampant as it is. It was as I began to ponder these things that I began to ask the question, “Is it worth it?” We know things are supposed to get worse before Christ returns, so what good will praying for things to get better do? And how can we be so daring as to ask the almighty, righteous God of all space and time to continue to be merciful to a nation so broken and belligerent as ours?

But then I heard J.D. Greear preach at the Southern Baptist Convention in 2015. His sermon was about judging and how misconstrued that term often is in our society. In describing the true meaning of the word, he gave a litmus test to show whether or not we are truly judging someone. One of the tests was whether or not we brush off a person (or nation of people) as hopeless, as beyond saving. If we do this, then we are judging them. And judging people is not our job; it’s God’s.

Ouch. In hearing this message, the Holy Spirit convicted me that in this way I was guilty of judging my fellow human beings in many instances. Even in my approach to thinking about America, I was guilty of this. As I looked at all the evil in our nation, cynicism rose up, and I began to think it not even worth asking God to spare us one more time.

But who am I to decide when God’s judgment will or should be poured out?

Yes, things are going to get worse and worse, but that does not mean that God will not relent for a time. The Bible is full of examples of God’s postponing or relenting from judgment because someone cried out to Him on behalf of the people. And that is totally His prerogative. Who am I to try to dictate God’s timeline?

And who am I to identify someone as beyond saving? I, whom God would have been totally justified in condemning, have been forgiven and pardoned instead. So if God saw fit to have mercy on me, then why would He not be willing to have mercy on this nation?

As I came to recognize, assigning condemnation to others not only is sinning against them but also is usurping the authority of Almighty God and is failing to ascribe to Him the characteristics with which He describes Himself: “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6, ESV). Heaven forbid that we presume such an assault on the character of God. After all, it is this very character that is the basis from which we can cry out to God for mercy in the first place. He is merciful because of Who He is, not because of who we are or what we have done.

So to answer the question of the title: yes. Praying for America is most definitely worth it because we know that our God is merciful even as He is just. And while we cannot be sure of what His answer will be, we can—and should—still plead wholeheartedly for our nation, asking that God will awaken hearts and minds to the Truth of His Gospel.

Let us pray, then, for the Church in America, that God will drive us out of our complacency and apathy to fulfill our calling of making disciples. Let us pray that God will be merciful to us and to those who are His enemies as we once were. Let us pray that His kindness will draw them to repentance (Romans 2:4) and that they will experience the abundant joy that is ours in Christ Jesus. Let us pray for God to do a mighty work in this country, not only for our good, but ultimately for His glory.