I met Tish Crook several years ago through church, and for the past few years we have served together in our church’s Resource Center where she now serves as the inaugural Resource Center Director for the Mallard Creek Campus. Although trained as an electrical engineer, Tish recently changed careers from working in the telecommunications industry to becoming a Funeral Director alongside her sister in their family business, Harrisburg Funeral & Cremation. Tish’s family ministered to my own as we mourned the loss of my grandfather four years ago, and her caring heart continues to be an encouragement to many.
Tish has a
passion for helping others to grieve well, and in today’s post she shares her
heart on this issue. Last year brought a lot of loss—in a variety of forms—to
many, and while we are ready to close the chapter of 2020, it’s important that
we not close up our grief with it and instead move forward through grief to
reach healing. Today I invite you to join Tish and me as we discuss the
importance of the process of grief.
Olivia: Why is grieving important? What is the harm
in avoiding the process of grief?
Tish: Grieving is important because it helps your
body process physically, mentally, and spiritually the emotional pain of a loss
or death. Avoiding the grief process can have impacts on your physical, mental,
and spiritual health. The impacts of avoiding grief affect people differently.
Some people withdraw emotions, which negatively impacts current relationships
or hinders connecting in new relationships. Some people develop anxiety or fear
of others they love passing away. Others start to question their faith in God,
especially if the loss is unexpected, violent, or unexplained.
I have personally avoided the grieving process. When my
grandmother passed away in 2014, I took on a role of caring for others in my
family, making sure my parents had food, and scheduling every moment of the day
until the pain of losing my grandmother had been numbed and buried in my list
of to-dos. Unfortunately, through the years that followed, I would get massive
bouts of anxiety at the slightest medical issue with another family member. I
would drop everything to take care of them, at times exhibiting
self-sacrificing behaviors trying to make sure I thought of every possible way
to help them or the situation. It left me physically exhausted, more anxious
and stressed, and realizing I had a trust issue with God. So in 2019, five years after losing my
grandmother, I went through the grieving process to heal and restore my
physical, mental, and spiritual health.
Olivia: Should grieving look the same for everyone?
Tish: Grieving is different from person to person. It
has to do with how they grew up, their cultural practices, and their
willingness to go through the process. Grief requires you to go through
emotions that are painful and uncomfortable.
Olivia: How does being a Christian inform the way you
serve grieving families?
Tish: As Christians, we are called to serve others.
Just like Jesus, we serve sinners, saints, and everyone in between. All the
families we serve know we are Christian. We state it on our website, and
scripture is on the walls at our funeral home. Our goal is to be the light of
Jesus Christ no matter what the beliefs are of the families. We give the same
compassion and care to each family and let them know before they leave that we
are praying for them. With Christian families, we can openly pray, repeat God’s
truths, and point them to Jesus as their strength and peace during the grieving
process. For non-Christian families, we make sure we let the Holy Spirit guide
our words and actions. Again, we want to be the light of Christ, and that can
only be seen when we are letting the Holy Spirit guide us.
Olivia: What are some resources you would suggest for
those wanting to grieve well?
Tish: First I would suggest reaching out to your
pastor. They may be able to guide you to church resources. Some churches have
bereavement and counseling ministries that can help.
Second, I would suggest chatting with a trusted friend or
family member. Sometimes, talking through your feelings with someone that you
feel safe being vulnerable with is enough to help someone move forward.
I went through a program called GriefShare (www.griefshare.org). It helped me
tremendously. It had people that shared their grief experience. It was great to
hear people articulate the feelings that I was going through but didn’t have
the words to label them.
Lastly, I would suggest seeking the help of a professional
counselor or therapist if you feel stuck or are really struggling to process
the loss. A couple of books that I would recommend are Grieving with Hope:
Finding Comfort as You Journey through Loss by Kathy Leonard and Sam Hodges
and What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What
Really Hurts) by Nancy Guthrie.
I pray this conversation has encouraged you to work
through whatever grief you are facing this year, to know you are not alone, to
reach out to those around you for support, and to persevere to a place of healing.
If you live in the Charlotte, North Carolina, area and need the services that
Tish and her family provide through their business/ministry, I would highly
recommend contacting them. You can find out more at their website: www.harrisburgfc.com
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