Hospitality. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot
especially in Southern circles, and it’s a quality which characterizes the
Middle East, but I’m finding that in different places it can mean different things.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines being hospitable as being “given to
generous and cordial reception of guests” or “promising or suggesting generous
and friendly welcome.”[i]
From my experience growing up in the South, I saw a lot of “Southern hospitality,”
but frequently the “friendly welcome” was conditional, and the generosity had
limits.
Hospitality in the South often meant a well-dressed hostess
bringing out the best dinnerware to the fancy dining room in an immaculately
tidy house for invited guests on a scheduled day for a specific purpose with a
definite end time. Growing up in this culture, I subconsciously internalized
the notion that to welcome people into one’s home, the house had to be
spotless, a fully-developed meal—with dessert—had to be served, and loungewear
was unacceptable attire. Even if someone was just “stopping by,” both house and
person had to be fully presentable. In other words, hospitality was a lot more
self-focused than it was others-focused.
Over time, I came to recognize the superficiality of this
type of hospitality, especially as it was shown in contrast to a handful of
families I knew who would offer whatever they had on hand as they welcomed
people to step into their daily routines in their messy (i.e. lived-in) homes
on short notice for an indefinite period of time. They made no allusions to
perfection. They welcomed others with generosity and friendliness to join in
their everyday lives and reap the benefits of their heart-felt hospitality.
The combination of seeing that contrast and reading Rosaria
Butterfield’s book The Gospel Comes with a House Key (highly recommended!)
grew in me the desire to display a genuine hospitality without preconditions
where I am okay with allowing—even inviting—people into the messiness of my
everyday life. This doesn’t mean there is never a time or place for bringing
out the fancy plates and having the house cleaned and straightened and getting
dressed up when guests come. There’s nothing wrong with those things. But if
that is our standard and understanding of hospitality, how much are we limiting
ourselves and depriving others (and ourselves) of the genuine friendship and
fellowship that comes from living life together?
So what it does mean is not getting upset when people drop
in or invite themselves over. What it does mean is putting off my pride and my desire
to put on a good front. It means being generous with what I have instead of
waiting until I have “enough” to be able to share. It means not thinking more
highly of myself than I should. Do you remember the verse that talks about
that? Paul writes in Romans 12:3, “For by the grace given to me I say to
everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,
but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that
God has assigned” (ESV). He goes on to talk about different members of the
Church having different gifts which should be utilized (vv. 4-8), and then what
does he talk about just a few verses later? You guessed it. Hospitality.
Romans 12:13 is one of four places in the New Testament
where the word “hospitality” is used, and one of three where it is in the form
of a command. In all three of these cases, the literary context of each command
includes mention of a particular fruit of the Spirit. See if you can pick up on
it.
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what
is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in
showing honor. […] Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show
hospitality.” Romans 12:9-10, 13 (ESV)
“Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show
hospitality to strangers.” Hebrews 13:1-2a (ESV)
“The end of all things is at hand; therefore be
self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep
loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show
hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:7-9 (ESV)
Did you see it? Love, love, love. I don’t think it’s a
coincidence that love and hospitality are mentioned so closely together in all
three instances. After all, it is the love of Christ which undergirds His
welcoming of us into His family—the ultimate act of hospitality. He gave
everything for us, even His very life. And He gives His Spirit to us Who enables
us to exhibit His love in our lives. Love is both the motivation and the power
behind genuine hospitality. When we gaze upon the love of God in Christ, we are
better able to lay down our pride and selfishness and open our homes and lives
in love.
I am certainly still a work in progress in this area,
although moving to the Middle East is already giving me opportunities for rapid
growth. It’s common here when you move into a new home for friends to come by
and congratulate you. And by “come by” I mean come in. The “Southern
hospitality” mindset would cry “Horrors!” at the thought of welcoming guests
into a sparsely furnished home strewn with half-emptied boxes, undecorated
walls, and cluttered shelves. And double horrors if the guest was a pastor!
So when a family friend asked if she and her husband and the
pastor and his wife could come over one evening after church less than a week
after we arrived, I have to admit the thoughts of how messy our apartment was
and how little supplies and furniture we had did enter my mind. The desire for
people’s first impressions of our home to be ones of a neat, beautifully
decorated, comfortably furnished, well-supplied haven certainly was present. And—full
disclosure—I did spend some time that morning straightening a few shelves and
putting out the few fall decorations I had brought with me.
But because I had already decided that I wanted to learn to
practice selfless hospitality, I chose to put my pride aside and welcomed our
guests with our suitcase-filled entry room, our messy shelves, our mismatched
mugs, our pulled-in kitchen chairs, and our borrowed end-tables. And it was
lovely. Because hospitality is not about putting on a show. It’s not about us
at all. It’s about giving and serving and welcoming as Christ has given to and
served and welcomed us. Do I still have a long way to go in the process of
dying to self and showing hospitality? Absolutely. But praise be to God, He is
gracious and patient. So just as I am seeking to grow in offering genuine,
Christ-centered hospitality, I challenge and encourage you to join me—because
as it turns out, welcoming people into our imperfect-yet-redeemed lives is the
most perfect hospitality of all.
[i] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hospitable
: accessed 4 November 2021.
What a great insight. Great lesson! Thanks for the insight.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading!
DeleteThis is really good. A post I needed. Not that my house, food, and attire ever has been like the "perfect" hostess you described-but my wanting it to be perfect has stopped me from inviting and welcoming many times. Hopefully I can still grow in this area!
ReplyDeletePraise God, don't you just love His perfect timing? I'm right there with you. Praying God will grow us both.
Delete