Monday, September 20, 2021

Lessons from a Life in Limbo, Part 1

At the beginning of 2020, I wrote the first part of my and my now-husband’s story in a trilogy of posts called “How I Fell in Love with an Arab.” At that point in time, we were recently engaged and set to be married in about five months. But God had a different timeline. In subsequent posts, I alluded to what was going on in our relationship, but now that we are finally married, I can sit back and reflect on the engagement chapter of our story and share how we saw God’s hand at work. In this first post, I’ll share the overarching timeline, which might seem a bit heavier than my usual posts. But it’s important to understand the full heaviness so that the full hope can be seen. Plus, I want to give adequate space to sharing the many ways in which God grew us in His faithfulness during that season, so I’ll save those details for next time. Are you ready to follow along on our roller-coaster ride? Let’s begin…

Two months after we became engaged, my fiancé returned to his home country, having completed the studies for which he was in the United States. At the time, we thought we would only be separated for five months, because the plan was for me to travel with my parents to his hometown, have the wedding there, honeymoon in Europe, return to the U.S. for a stateside blessing ceremony with my extended family and friends, and then return to his country to live. In December 2019, this seemed like a perfect plan, though not without its unique stressors. After all, it was basically wedding planning twice with two different countries, multiple international flights, and moving involved. But even so, it was a plan we were excited about and happy with.

Less than two weeks after my fiancé returned home, God provided in a marvelous way, and my fiancé found us a beautiful apartment in a perfect location at an amazing price. He painstakingly sent me videos and photos, drew out the floorplan, and sketched maps to show me where it was in relation to other locations I knew. Once it was purchased, he (and my amazing in-laws) began preparing the home for us to move into once we were married. (Apartments there are often purchased rather than rented, which means people usually take the appliances with them when they move and we would need to buy all new appliances for the kitchen and laundry plus closet units for the bedrooms since many apartments, ours included, don’t have built-in closets. Bottom line—there was a lot of work to do.) Things were falling into place for us to set up our home in June, and we were eagerly counting down the days until we became husband and wife.  

But then the world shut down, and suddenly our perfect plan started falling apart. As Covid spread around the world, travel restrictions began to be implemented, and eventually the country we needed to fly into banned all non-residents from entering, while my fiancé’s path out was also obstructed as land borders were closed. It became clear that our wedding day was not going to be June 27, 2020, and as summer turned into fall we lived in a constant state of checking the news for any signs of opening, all while trying to be ready to travel and have a wedding as soon as restrictions were lifted. It was emotionally exhausting.

For the remainder of 2020, every time there seemed to be movement towards open borders, we would formulate another “plan B” with new dates for travel, wedding, blessing ceremony, etc. to the point that we lost count and eventually joked we were on “plan Z.” It was mentally exhausting. And as the one-year anniversary of our engagement rolled around in November, we had the sinking suspicion that we weren’t going to be getting married in 2020 at all.

We were both feeling the weight of long-distance, the strain of a seven-hour time difference, and the frustration of trying to make major decisions with only one to two hours a day to talk, during which times we were usually tired of staring at a screen. Don’t get me wrong, we were incredibly thankful for the technology that allowed us to talk and see each other every day, but it was physically exhausting.

Then out of the blue, my fiancé found out about a special program that would allow him to apply to cross the closed land borders to be able to access an airport so he could fly out. It was risky, because there was always the chance that he could get stuck in the US if the program was suddenly stopped, but with an unknown period of separation before us, we decided it was worth the risk to get a moment of reprieve. By God’s grace, he was approved through the program and within a week was on a plane to the States, where he was able to stay for a whole month through Christmas and into the new year. It was just the boost our spirits needed to get us through what would be the most challenging months yet.

Soon after his return home, one of my fiancé’s first orders of business was renewing his and his family’s tourist visas to the US, which were due to expire in March. No visa meant no stateside ceremony and no more visits should, heaven forbid, our separation be extended even longer. Oftentimes, this process involves an in-person interview at the US embassy, which is difficult for my fiancé to access even in “normal” times, given its location. On top of that, thanks to Covid, a severe backlog existed to the point that interviews were being scheduled four or five months out. But my fiancé and his family submitted their applications—my fiancé choosing to be honest about being engaged to an American, even though that could have complicated matters—and within two weeks they received word that their visas would be renewed—no interviews required! We were all stunned and praised God for such abundant favor.

Come March 2021, two months into our second separation, the country we were trying to get into announced they would be implementing a pilot program, albeit one with very stringent requirements, to allow tourism to gradually return to their country. What followed was a period of several weeks in which stressors seemed to be converging upon us from all directions. Family matters, unwelcome travel requirements, eruption of violence, and conflicting information came in wave after wave, seeming to throw new obstacles up as quickly as ones were removed. It was spiritually exhausting, and I think I cried more in those few weeks than I did in all the weeks of 2020 combined. My fiancé, too, struggled with being unable to help and comfort in the ways he could if he were present. It was a rough couple of months.

But eventually, we were in a position to be able to travel, had booked plane tickets for July 2, had rescheduled everything for the blessing ceremony to be August 14, and had found a gorgeous venue for the wedding on July 10 that didn’t even exist back in 2020. It seemed like our wait might finally be coming to an end. But then, ten days before we were scheduled to travel, the restrictions were extended indefinitely, and we were right back to square one. To say it felt defeating is an understatement. After a year and a half of waiting, we were finally a couple of weeks away from getting married only to be faced with yet another wait with no end in sight.

During the next two weeks, the roller coaster intensified as plans changed significantly in quick succession. First, we explored options of traveling with an approved tourist group. When those fell through, my fiancé’s family made the decision to travel to the US so that we could keep our (2nd) original wedding date of July 10, and we started planning a small, private ceremony to be followed by the already-planned blessing ceremony on August 14. Within twenty-four hours, we had arranged for a venue, officiant, photographer, flowers, hair/makeup, etc. and had informed family of the changes. But another twenty-four hours later, we got word that my fiancé’s family would be unable to travel due to a medical issue.

I was shell-shocked. I literally wept, and my poor fiancé had to endure crushing waves of helplessness as he listened to me through the phone. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such powerful frustration boiling up from my core as I did then, followed by feelings of complete numbness. What was God doing? We had been waiting patiently, trusting that He had a plan even when we couldn’t see what it was. We knew without a doubt that He had brought us together and that we were supposed to get married, but just when it seemed doors were opening, they were getting slammed in our faces. Why put us through this roller coaster? How much more could we take?

After another emotionally exhausting forty-eight hours or so, we decided to stick with the idea of getting married in the US (which brought its own risks and grief over what we would lose) and turn the August 14 blessing ceremony into our actual wedding. My fiancé decided to keep his flight in early-July, so we could be together for the last month of engagement, and we prayed that land borders would remain open long enough for his family to travel in August for the wedding. Again, his traveling was risky. What if they grilled him at passport control about why he was coming? What if they only gave him two weeks and we had to get married with only my parents there and then be separated again when he had to return home? “What ifs” had become our constant companion over the last year and a half, but that didn’t make them any less burdensome.

But praise be to God, he had the smoothest flight and entry to the US he has ever had, and they gave him six whole months at passport control! Once he landed in my city (after a delayed flight from Chicago—because what’s an extra hour of waiting, right?), the relief started to set in. He was here. At least we would be able to get married, even if it didn’t happen in the way we wanted it to. But praise be to God again, his family was able to travel and be here for the wedding, and God’s love was displayed.

Now that you have the outline of what happened, stay tuned for Part 2 to see the Hope that sustained us, the Hand that upheld us, and the Goodness that guided us each step of the way.

 


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