An Unusual Reminder to Encounter and Embrace Differences

Where I live now, the grass stays green pretty much year-round. Aside from eleven years of my life when I lived in Memphis, Tennessee, this has always been the case. In Memphis, the only grass you’ll find is Bermuda grass, which has the unfortunate characteristic of turning brown in winter, making Memphis winters especially dreary—the grass is brown; the trees are brown; even the roads are brown rather than black.

So when my dad posted a picture of our yard on social media a few weeks ago, our Memphis friends were amazed. How was our grass so green?! See, for many of them, brown Bermuda grass in winter is all they’ve ever known. Fescue grass that stays green all year is a novelty—something they hadn’t even known to think of.

I don’t say this to belittle them or their experience in any way. I had the exact (yet opposite) experience when we moved to Memphis—Brown grass? What is this? Green grass (and black roads) were all I’d ever known. But their reactions got me thinking. It’s been less than ten years since I left Memphis, but I’ve already become so reaccustomed to green grass, curvy roads, rolling hills, etc. that I’ve started to forget that everywhere is not like here. 

My family moved to the Memphis area from southwestern Virginia when I was ten years old. At ten, I was old enough to be well aware that this new home of ours was different—very different. And I loved learning about the things—big and small—that made west Tennessee distinct from the East Coast states I had known. Experiencing the differences in culture, topography, food, language, and accent that existed even between two areas of the same country helped me grow in many ways.

Learning that not everyone does things the way I do, says things the way I do, or experiences things the way I do helped me widen my perspective, deepen my awareness, heighten my curiosity, and broaden my capacity for showing empathy. This has aided me tremendously in years since as I have interacted with people from various places and backgrounds (and as I prepare to move to the other side of the globe).

So why do I share all of this with you in the last week of 2020? Because I’d like to encourage you as we head into a new year to think outside the box and not assume that everything in your current experience would be the same in any other place. This might seem obvious to some of you. After all, most people already know that everywhere is not like home. But it’s when you find those things you didn’t even know to think about that your horizons truly start to broaden.

When you learn that some people eat biscuits instead of rolls (not to mention that not everyone means the same thing when they say “biscuit”), that some cultures have groom-centered weddings rather than bride-centered ones, that people in most places think putting ice in drinks is weird, that engagements don’t happen the same way in every culture, that there are other kinds of dressing than the kind made with cornbread, that not everyone knows that restaurants can have drive-thru service, that people from some regions actually like unsweet tea (or sweet tea), that some cultures think shorts are immodest but low-cut shirts aren’t and others think the opposite, that some places have sirens to warn of tornados and others don’t, that to some people “iced coffee” is synonymous with “Frappuccino,” that not everyone knows what a bridal shower/baby shower is, etc., etc.—that’s when the real growth happens.

Simply put, there are things out there in the world that you don’t know you’re missing—just like I and my Memphis friends didn’t know there were different kinds of grass that behaved differently in winter—and the only way you’ll know is if you encounter them yourself or cultivate a curiosity that leads you to ask someone who has. Travel is of course one of the best ways to encounter different environments. International travel will give you the biggest exposure to differences, but travel within the same country or even the same state will, in many cases, provide just as much interaction with new things. If you are unable to travel, don’t worry—hope is not lost! Books, photos, and videos from the library or the internet can help you in your quest to grow through knowing more about the beautiful variety of God’s world and the people that inhabit it.

And another resource—perhaps the best one of all—is the people you know whom God has brought into your life. Whom do you know that has traveled abroad? Whom do you know that has grown up in a different environment than yours? Who has moved around a lot? Who has a different family size than yours? Who lives in a different climate? Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about their experience or about their physical environment, past or present. I’d like to encourage you: before year’s end, try to think of one person you could talk to who would help you expand your understanding of life outside your own bubble.

If I am that person for you, I’d be happy to talk. For many people, I’m the only person they know who is marrying an Arab and/or moving to the Middle East, so I have had multiple conversations with different friends and acquaintances who have questions about all sorts of things relating to those experiences. Since our very first date, my fiancé and I have held to this two-fold principle: don’t assume anything and don’t think any question is stupid. I’ve asked him things like, “Do you have taco seasoning over there?” or “Would you get in trouble if you just go down the street and pick up trash?” Sometimes the answers are not what I would have expected; that’s why it’s important to just go ahead and ask instead of assuming. So if you have questions about something I can speak to, you can ask whatever they are with the complete assurance that I won’t think you’re stupid for asking. 

It's always a great time to learn something new. And as we face a new year, let’s determine to expand our understanding of the world outside our neighborhood. Let’s open ourselves to the possibilities that await when we encounter people and places different from what we already know. Speaking from experience, I’d say when we look back a year from now, we’ll find that our lives have become all the richer as a result.