Love and Truth, Part 2: The Practical Side of Things

In an earlier post, I explored Romans 12:9-10 and the concepts of speaking truth from a posture of love.

I don’t know about you, but I’m an incredibly practical person. I can intellectually understand ideas, even ascribe to them, but I always want to know Okay, how is this going to happen? What does it look like when it’s fleshed out in everyday life?

This case is no exception, so it’s my hope in this post to share with you some of my ruminations on the practical side of things.

First of all, it is important to note that Paul writes, “Abhor what is evil” not who. We are to detest teachings and actions that are contrary to the gospel but not the people who hold to them. This is where it gets tricky. How do we convey utter detestation of the tenets to which someone holds without conveying abhorrence of the person? How do we communicate the love we have for someone while telling them that they have missed the mark?

Hold up, you may be thinking. What right do I have to tell anyone that they’ve “missed the mark”? Who am I to call out anybody on how they’re acting or what they say they believe?

Well, if you’re a follower of Christ and the other person is too, then you don’t just have a right to call them out, you have a responsibility. God has placed us as believers in a community of other believers for a variety of reasons, one of which is so that we can hold each other accountable. To do this requires opening our mouths and lovingly speaking the truth.

Which brings us back to the question, “How?” 

I don’t claim to have all the answers—or even most of them—but I do think one thing that is certainly beneficial is to do your “calling out” in person—or at least over the phone. Tone and body language can convey so much more than written words, from which any number of postures can be inferred.  

In addition, listen more than you talk. Ask questions. Yes, you are holding them accountable to what they say they profess to believe, but people straying from God are hurting people. So let them know that you care by listening to what they have to say and by providing a safe space for them to share their struggles openly.

Another thing we should remember is to avoid entering such conversations while depending on our own strength, our own intelligence, or our own ideas. In short—pray. A lot!

After all, if we are calling out a fellow believer on his or her behavior because it is contrary to Scripture, it’s because it is contrary to what God says, not because it goes against some code we invented ourselves. Therefore, we shouldn’t let our own opinions or egos get in the way. If, however, our calling them out is not because their behavior is contrary to Scripture, then I’d submit that we need to give second thoughts to calling them out at all. And, again, if we are saturating the issue in prayer, I believe God will reveal to us when we are out of line ourselves.

Sometimes, though, it will be necessary for us to voice concern to a fellow believer over the way he or she is living. For many of us, this does not come easily. We would rather shy away from situations that make us uncomfortable than risk offending someone or being hurt ourselves. But we followers of Christ are family; families are to have each other’s best interests at heart; and in the family of God our best interests are being right with Him.

So when we see a fellow believer living in open rebellion, we should be compelled to put aside our selfish considerations of comfort and speak to them in love. Because sometimes being silent is the most unloving course of all.